Folk Off, TOWIE

Having lived in Essex for most of my life, I am as much in love with the place as I am appalled by it. I’ve never wanted to leave, but occasionally I find myself wondering how I’m still here. I am aware that this love-hate dichotomy is not unique to Essex; it’s just what happens…

Birthday Numbers

Somewhere in its sixty second expanse, during the minute of 1:23am this morning, I turned thirty-four years old. The 1-2-3 of the time of my birth has always satisfied me. It makes it seem like things started orderly, even if they didn’t stay that way. I would have been considerably less pleased with myself if…

Kate & Amy & Matt

“Write about us!”, said Kate. “Yeah!”, said Amy. Matt was easy and shrugged. Rolled a fag. My bookshop pals and I were in the pub, lounging around in shabby leather armchairs, the kind that quality establishments now shamelessly wrest from skips to achieve their desired ambience (I pause to picture midnight showdowns at the tip…

Walls & Peace

I am writing this from the mossy glow of our bedroom. We’ve just painted it a very adult colour. We had been calling it olive green, but I didn’t want that to become the defining shade in case I ever take to licking the walls when in need of a dry martini. I’m not ready…