Kissing Boys & Saving Pandas: A Few Failed Resolutions

Years ago, at the beginning of every year, I would always start my new diaries with grand sweeping proclamations. I will stop biting my nails. I will stop throwing my sister across the room when she calls me goofy. I will never kiss a boy. I WILL SAVE PANDAS. A week later I would have…

Gin & The First Pantomime

I think a part of me was broken as a child. The part of me that should laugh at fart jokes or whoopee cushions or someone burping Happy Birthday. WHERE DID THAT BIT GO? Maybe I lost it on the beach while I was singing dead crabs to their eternal rest, aged 7. I was…

The Shrieking Christmas Carol Man

High Street. A week and a bit before Christmas. Busy. Noisy. Cold. A man is shouting “Leave me alone”. I assume he’s having an argument with his wife whose Christmas list is very long, specific, and unattainable. But he’s shouting to no one in particular and follows up the odd shriek with a hoarse ‘fa…

The Tiger

My mother called me. It was very important. “Sadie. You must, I repeat MUST watch that programme about the woman who wrote The Tiger Who Came To Tea. Deborah Carr. Not Deborah Carr. She was in the The King & I. What’s her…JUDITH. JUDITH KERR. That’s it. Anyway. She’s got a thing on the dooberry…

The Little Notable Niggle Inside

There are lots of reasons why a woman might not have babies. Reluctant bodies, nature-defying ambitions…hating babies. You might say one of the reasons why I might not have babies is the fact I am currently looking around the room looking for something to act as a hand puppet so I can check on a…