Little Lorla Gets Inked

My little sister and I were naughty. We went to the tattoo parlour without telling Mum. Out of almost nowhere, Laura decided to get inked. I’ve already got two tattoos because I am Well Hard, so naturally I high-fived her and told her to get one of Satan riding a Harley Davidson on her chin….

Naked In A Hotel Room Window

There’s something liberating about standing at a window naked, knowing you can’t be seen. I was glad of the optical safety of voile last week as I stood in a hotel room, reassured by the friendly obscuring science of early morning light pressed against the dimness behind me. It was a typical London hotel, a…

Burgled: Brad Horatio Virtue

I stood, fingers curled around a pair of stray knickers as Brad moved like a trapped leopard. His bulging form bristled, pulling his shirt tightly up his bicep to reveal a tattoo of a sword-pierced snake. Brad took out his pen. With his teeth… Oh, hullo there. Sorry – but I defy any woman to…

Getting Stuff Wrong: Soap & Roy Orbison

Don’t you hate it when you discover you’ve been doing something wrong all along? I’ve been using my ruddy washing machine for well over a year now, merrily going about my laundry business thinking I was some kind of goddess of meadow-fresh, and today I walked into the kitchen to find my flatmate Drew pouring…